Magnus Carlsen’s Wager

World Human Chess Champion, Magnus Carlsen

Magnus “The Beard” Carlsen

being named “Global Ambassador” for Unibet (https://en.chessbase.com/post/magnus-carlsen-global-ambassador-unibet) shocked

and rocked the pooh-bahs of US Chess. Sources report those involved with US Kiddie Chess “have their underwear in a knot and panties in a wad,” after learning the World Chess Champ (Some have begun referring to Magnus as the “World Chess Chump”) Magnus Carlsen, decided to head on over to…

It has also been reported some pooh-bahs have been staggering around the office…

…wringing their hands while uttering, “Woe is me” and “Woe is USChess.” Everyone has completely forgotten about the deadly virus unleashed by the Chinese (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7922379/Chinas-lab-studying-SARS-Ebola-Wuhan-outbreaks-center.html) because to them the use of the word “bet” or “wager” used in conjunction with the word “Chess” is anathema. One executive was seen crying like a baby as she stumbled around HQ wailing…

One Chess schoolmarm was heard lamenting the fact that, “Magnus used to be such a fine, clean-cut type fellow. Then he grew that scraggly beard and fell in with the wrong crowd.”

Another flatly said, “Putin is behind this because the nefarious Russians are known to foment dissension and are behind EVERYTHING!”

Heads nodded in total agreement.

The largest pooh-bah of all, The Big Guy, aka the “Fat Man,”

could be heard, even outside the building, (with some swearing the Fat Man was shedding tears) exclaiming:

It was more than a little obvious the US Chess brain trust was coming unglued when one asked, “What’s next? The Armchair Warrior writing a column for Chess Lifeless?”

There was total agreement when one said, “This is a real low blow from Magnus.”

 

Hey Jude Acers

The sui generis Jude Acers

The Amazing and the Slightly Irregular Jude Acers: “There’ll be no need for me to cry”

left the following comment to an article, Ladies Knight with FM Alisa Melekhina, at the US Chess website. (https://new.uschess.org/news/ladies-knight-fm-alisa-melekhina/)

JUDE ACERS | January 21, 2020 at 5:12 pm

This is chess in the real world/TOTALLY THE FUTURE ..800 million certified chess phone download app users right now folks! (heaven forbid…many women) / ALL PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE/PARENTS right now must have world rated mega events that are quickly played/media visible like the world series of poker. All chess games must be played in one half hour flat for local events/ 1 hour flat for world title events with absolutely NO DRAW OFFERS EVER ALLOWED AT NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL WORLD RATED LEVEL PRECISELY AS GRANDMASTER LEVON ARONIAN STATED. “ALL GAMES MUST BE WORLD CHESS FEDERATION RATED”(KASPAROV) OR…. NOT PLAYED AT ALL…AT LEAST 1,000 PLAYERS IN KNOCKOUT MUST PLAY FOR THE WORLD CHESS CHAMPIONSHIP every single year..like the Superbowl/tennis/golf/WORLD SERIES .. events all start anew ..RIDICULOUS CANDIDATE TOURNEYS / ridiculous 12 draw joke make- a -deal world title /kiss your cousin slumber fest matches SIMPLY MUST GO. The fabulous new world chess federation president A. DVORKOVIC has already announced THE WORLD CUP knockout entry formula … one player from every chess nation in the world regardless of rating is playing the 185 Fide chess nations !!!!!! million dollar plus event. Absolutely THE SAME MUST BE DONE FOR THE WORLD CHESS CHAMPIONSHIP ITSELF..2 GAME THRILLER KNOCKOUT ELIMINATION ROUNDS WITH SPEED PLAYOFF AFTER EVERY TIED ROUND PERIOD…A WINNER AFTER EVERY ROUND.EVERY PLAYER IS ON HIS/HER! OWN. Good luck. EVERY FIDE PLAYER IN THE WORLD PLAYS in a preliminary world title qualifier in 185 nations..k-CHING! k-CHING! THE NIFTY SOUND OF AN ANCIENT CASH REGISTER. Jude Acers/ New Orleans ps( of course…no leaving the board EVER during all world title knockout games in this computer age…thus quick time controls are mandatory/exciting/BADLY NEEDED … with the new just announced MILLION DOLLAR MEGA WORLD CHESS FEDERATION SPONSOR COCA COLA (and many other just announced sponsors also!) .. the only legal protection chess organizers now have from guaranteed COMPUTER BASED CHEATING ARE QUICKLY PLAYED MURDEROUS EXCITING NO EXIT CONTESTS.It is coming friends and neighbors… monster cash/fierce world competition chess for everyone..not slumber fest kiss your cousin drawfest nonsense ..the pathetic media laughingstock media joke we presently have .(Oh yes..women will be all over the place in these coming competitions.) cHESS WILL RETURN TO GENERAL MEDIA….Think it isn’t possible? FIDE IS NOW FORCING IT TO HAPPEN BY SHEER WILL ..IT IS GOOD BUSINESS PERIOD. Everyone must be allowed to play. Best of all..Mr. Carlsen- the here, there and everywhere world chess ambassador will almost certainly win a $5.000,000 WORLD CHESS CHAMPIONSHIP WINNER’S PURSE SOMEDAY. Carlsen deserves every cent of such a prize. Thanks Coca Cola!

Thanks, Jude.